Just keep moving

I went on a walk today. In fact, it was the first walk of 2015! As I was walking with the little guy in the stroller, I started thinking... My first thought was "why is walking to a specific place so much longer than a 5min drive to the same place."  Then, I started thinking the walk was too long, but I was already half way there. Do I turn around? Do I keep walking? Will this baby last all the way? 

I stopped a few times arguing with myself on if I should turn around or keep going. Just keep going. "You decided to do this, so do it." I told myself. 

My steps dragged as I kept contemplating if this was a good idea. The walk was only 45 minutes long, but with a baby that could quickly turn into a cry fest, and you'd have to run home. I didn't want to run home. "I'm out of shape….Kinda. I can't run home." I thought to myself. 

"Just keep going. You're almost there, and you sound pathetic." I laughed at myself. 

Isn't that how life goes? You start something you're really into. You even start working towards it, but once you start really thinking about your decision, you start doubting. Talking yourself out of it. Like you're going to fail before you start. How would you know, though? That you'll fail? Even if you do fail, what's stopping you from trying again. Those thoughts were really annoying, but you get a glimpse of what happens in my mind. I analyze and analyze and then argue with myself. My mind is always going, processing and analyzing. Pros, and cons. What to do in worst case scenario. 

 I think too much, but sometimes I just need to shut it off and keep going. Stay on track. Remember the end goal. Yes, I just need to remember the end goal. That's my one goal of 2015. Whatever happens just keep going. 

 

Genuine wrinkles

Like most woman I'm trying to turn back the hands of aging time. It came so fast. I mean it feels like yesterday when I was twelve years old sitting at a table with my closest girlfriends. We were somehow stuck in a Mary Kay party. I say stuck, but I'm pretty sure it was my friends birthday party, and I was not interested in how to apply make -up, and how she says we need to start NOW in taking care of our skin. I'm thinking. "Listen lady, my face is as soft as a babies butt, and I don't even have boobs. Basically, I'm going to stay young forever." 

Forever came sooner than I thought. 

It's just like what they say. Time flies - one minute you're 16, and the next you're 30. I hated hearing it like most teens, but it's so true. Scary as hell to think that life is literally just moments. I can't remember every detail of my life, but I remember every moment, because that is where life happened. Good, bad, the worst in that moment is when I was most aware. Most alive. 

 l think wrinkles are like moments. Every line tells a story, and it goes hand in hand with those moments in life. As much as I dislike seeing my VERY slowly aging beautiful face get lined up. I am reminded every time I look in the mirror of moments.  Like the  time I went through a season where I laughed my way through life. I took nothing seriously, and that's where my hardly noticeable smile lines come from. Or the time I wore a dumb do rag to bed every single night  for at least a year, and that's where my permanent  line on my forehead is from. Yes, I wore it wrong for a whole year, and because of that my forehead bears the evidence. True sad story. 

 So far that's all the noticeable stories on my face, and even just writing it out makes me smile. 

Look in the mirror what stories can you tell. It can be more than wrinkles. It could be scars, moles, anything. Every detail has a tale to tell. What's yours? 

Following the light

Today,  I couldn't help but notice the bright glowing sun before me. I literally felt like I was driving straight into the sun. Then, I began thinking that that's how life is, isn't it? We are all going towards some light that is so bright that sometimes we can't see the road ahead of us, but we know it's there. We swerve in and out of lanes. Maybe we take a few turns here or there, because we simply got distracted from our goal. Our goal is to keep our eyes focused on the light before us. There are days when it's dark and cloudy, and you're afraid that the light you once saw shining so bright before you may never shine again. It may seem our focus shifted, and that's ok. 

My theory is...  Even in dark there's light. Don't believe me? Look up at the stars. 

27 years down. Unknown years to go😊

When I look back at my year, and how crazy it's been. I can't help but giggle. 

Giggling is my second language.. I do it when I'm happy, nervous, sad.. You never know what mood I'm in, cause my giggles can be deceiving... This time I giggle because it's been a ridiculously crazy ride, and if someone told me you're going to do this and this and be here before age 28. I'd laugh and say you're joking, right? 

I surprised myself. I'm just not the same woman I use to be, and I'm embracing that. It's freeing. I'm living, and breathing, and learning. Oh, am I learning.  Life goes on whether you're down or standing up. I personally prefer standing at all times, but man have I fallen and taken some blows. I just choose to get up as quickly as  possible. I see no sense in dwelling on what can't be changed. 

I'm strong and independent. I know what I want, or let's say I have an idea of what I want in life, and who I want living it with me. 

Reflecting on this year is quite entertaining. It's got sadness, action, scary moments. All good learning materials. Life lessons. Things that can't be taught through words or books. Things that you can only learn for yourself, and it only makes you wiser, because you were once stupid. 

Life isn't full of flowers. It's not perfect, but I'm trying to make the best out of what I'm given.  I don't always do or act the best. I'm perfectly flawed. 

I never want to live my life saying I wish I hadn't. Instead I want to say what's done was learned. What shall I learn next?  I learned at a young age you can't turn back the hands of time, but you surely can determine your present. 

So, with that said I do reluctantly ( if I must ) open my arms to new age. New beginnings. New hope. Somewhat clearer vision.  I've been sleep walking my way through life, and I'm finally awake, and ready to take on the next chapter in my life. 

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, and I'm feelin free. 

Meaning of life

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

Maya Angelou

That explains why I got a butterfly tattoo, perfectly. I grew up in a cacoon life... I never spoke my mind, and believed what I was told - No questions asked. I was a good kid. I did a lot of back talking like most teens, but for the most part I was good. Almost perfect. 

When I was out on my own at 17. I still didn't go out and party or any of that. I was always inside in bed by 9. Don't get me wrong I had my crazy nights, but those were like 3 times out of the year kinda of deal - if that... When I get crazy I go big. So, that was rare special occasions. 

I was a good church girl. I went to church every Sunday, and bible studies, and whatever else in between.  I believed I was the perfect Christian. 

Perfection, that's what I believed my life was, but it really wasn't. Who's life is, really? I've dealt with a lot at an early age, and blocked out a lot of it as well.  I just choose to make everything.... Perfect. 

Until I realized I don't want perfection I want to live life through my imperfections. Be me, be free. Tell what's on my mind and say it gracefully. Let go when I should - easier said then done sometimes. Believe in myself and decisions. Believe in God even if it's to a waaay different tune than others. Challenge myself. Retrain  how I see myself. 

The best thing I've learned this year is to make my own choices with or without back up.  This is my life and I don't have to explain or be afraid of what others think. I've lived to long in that darkness and am finally in my own  light of happiness and discovery. 

That is what makes my life beautiful is being free from such a tight spot and learning to fly freely  without much fear. 

To Fear less  

The adventures of dating

Social media is taking over - especially in the dating scene. I tried fighting the new fad, but realized that this in fact was how guys would prefer to ask girls out these days.. I gave in.  I'm learning  a lot. I may have learned too much about the dating game. The do's and don't's. I've done a lot of the don't's, because I hate playing games. Dating is ALL about the games. So, to say the least. I wasn't very good at it. 

What do I say? When do I say it? How do I say this?  Is he full of it? ( which you find.. Most are - no joke) what does that really mean? Am I too old for this shit?  It gets a little bit overwhelming. 

It's all about confidence. Know what you want and get it. If you don't get it, move on. Move on quickly. Don't dwell, dwelling isn't worth it. It also makes you doubt your self worth, and never do that. You're worth flows abundantly. You're worth it, and you know it. Let it show.  I have to remind myself that, pretty much every time I feel like giving into the 'I may be alone forever.' It doesn't sink in quite as fast as I like, but eventually it does, and you realize you hold the key. No wait, you are the key. 

I've racked up some pretty funny stories, and dumb stories. All good life lessons that will benefit me as I go along this long and sometimes dreadful road called dating. 

 

Here's a few things I have learned about the dating business. 

 If they don't respect your time, they're not worth your time. 

A guy that doesn't know what he wants will ultimately not want you, and that's ok. Better figure that out quickly then much  later. So when you hear a guy say "I don't know what I want." Or "I don't know what I'm looking for."  That means don't even try. No joke.

Guys who don't consistently text and then randomly text you means one or two things. They're either bored. Or they're either bored. Consistency is a good trait to look for. 

Excuses are just a another nice way of saying, "I found something better to do, but thanks."  Once you figure that out. Move on, and move on fast, cause girl, that boy is not into you. 

Guys will say anything to keep you. Get smart and pay attention to what they're saying, and why. I had to learn that, and it's still confusing on which ones are really genuine. 

You get a late night text. They're either bored or horny. Or both. Don't respond unless you want to play along.

Guys are simple. Really, they are. They're either into it or not. The ones that are truly into you will actually treat you like they like you. The ones that are not ( but want to keep you as back up)  will also treat you like they like you. The only diffrence is..... Their actions. If they don't have action to back up that talk you know you need to walk.

With all that said dating is fun, annoying, and kinda confusing all at the same time.

I haven't found what I'm looking for,

But I think I  know the most important secret to the dating game. You have to go in with confidence and leave with confidence. Run, run as fast as you can. The one to catch you is your one true man. So, don't slow down, and don't speed up. Keep it steady. Keep it real. Don't forget to communicate, and communicate again. 

Remember, dating is a freakin battle field. Wear your armor well. 

Ten things you'll love about me💗

1. I'm passionate about people. I'll fight for them if I see something worth fighting for. Even if nobody else does. 

2. I'm learning to give people multiple chances. It's not the best trait in my dating life, cause it back fires. So, ladies if it's not there the first time. The second date only makes things complicated. He does not want to be just friends.

3. I love to laugh. ANYtine ANYreason,  I love joy, and I love making people laugh

4. I LOVE food. It only lasts about two  min - maybe three.. What can say... I grew up with brothers. 

5. I try not to judge anyone. Who am I to judge? 

6. Silliness and good times follow me wherever I go. 

7. I'm tough, yet fragile. It's complicated  

8. I love competition. Let's face it.. I.ALWAYS.WIN. (-- even if it's just in my head.) 

9. I'll tell you the truth. Even if it hurts. Especially, if it involves your outfit. 

10. I'll be your friend forever or for a season whatever you need. I do.